


In Vino Veritas

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, Episode Tag, Multi, The Roommate Transmogrification, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:31:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PWP. Originally posted at the <a href="http://bbt-kink.livejournal.com/538.html?thread=445978#t445978">kink meme</a>. The prompt was:</p>
<p>season 4 finale rewrited... sheldon's so amazed with raj's dinner, he agrees to try the wine. the trio gets drunk. <br/>and they wake up naked in sheldon's room. <br/>dumped leonard and the morning walk of shame not necessary ;)</p>
<p>I aim to smut. Fills the 'in vino veritas/drunkfic' square for Trope Bingo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Vino Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> The Big Bang Theory characters do not belong to me and I am making no money off this work of fan fiction.
> 
> Unbetaed. Niche market, what can I say? If you spot any glaring inconsistencies, like the asexual dude having sex, keep it to yourself. (Typos, OTOH, are fair game, just comment.)
> 
> Originally started in 2011, continued in 2013, and completed in 2014. This is part of the reason I plan to quit posting kink meme fills unless they're finished first.
> 
> * * *

The wine isn’t such a bad thing, Sheldon concludes after the second glass. He doesn’t know whether it’s because Raj is so much more considerate about his dinner preparations than Leonard was, or because it complements the meal, or because this bottle looks as though it cost more than the five or six bucks that Penny usually shells out for her wine.  
  
“So, what exactly is your plan here, Raj?” Penny asks, gesturing at the fancy spread he’s put on. “Are you trying to seduce Sheldon or something?” Her wine sloshes in her glass and she rescues it from a nasty fall to the floor by virtue of drinking it.  
  
Raj gives her a dark-eyed look over a forkful of basmati rice and says nothing, despite having drunk his own share of wine. Sheldon wonders if there’s another condition on his muteness at work here or if he just doesn’t want to answer Penny’s question.  
  
“I mean,” Penny goes on, “exhibit A is the candles. Exhibit B is the origami napkin swans. Exhibit C is the fact that you took the food  _out_  of its containers, which frankly is more effort than I’m used to guys making for  _me_. Need I go on?”  
  
“I don’t know about your theory, Penny,” Sheldon says. The wine has stopped tasting astringent and now feels warm in his mouth and throat and like pleasant little starbursts in his stomach. “As far as I can tell, Rajesh is just being a good roommate. I know if Leonard ever wants to move back in here he’s going to have to lift his game.”  
  
“He’s not planning to, is he?” Raj says a little too fast, turning that dark-eyed look on Sheldon, and this time it doesn’t mean  _shut up_  but  _please don’t say that_.  
  
“I think he’s pretty well attached to your sister,” Penny says before Sheldon can get a word out. “Not to mention your memory foam mattress.”  
  
Raj’s lip curls in revulsion. “Don’t remind me.” He tops up all of their wineglasses.  
  
Penny sighs. “Can I tell you guys a secret?”  
  
“Yeah,” says Raj, at the same time as Sheldon says, “That depends under what conditions you need it to be kept.”  
  
“Oh, for--I’m just going to say it to Raj, Sheldon, and you can try not to remem--try not to repeat it.”  
  
Sheldon is about to protest again but then she’s leaning forward, elbows on her knees, her cheeks touched with pink, and he gets distracted by, of all things, the smell of her raspberry and vanilla body wash.  
  
“I made a mistake,” she says, and Sheldon leans in to inhale the scent of her.  
  
“I never should’ve let things get so serious with Leonard,” she says, and Raj looks at Sheldon, his plate clattering onto the table, and his mouth forms the shape of,  _Sheldon, what are you doing?_  
  
“Taking things to the next level like that when you’re not both totally invested in it never works out for friends,” she says, and Sheldon licks the side of her neck.

Her throat vibrates when she shrieks, “ _Sheldon!_ ” and the scene is imprinted onto Sheldon’s mind: how smooth and warm her skin feels under his lips, how, despite the volume of her yell, she doesn’t quite sound angry.  
  
There’s a rattle as Raj stands up and cracks his knee against the coffee table in his haste. “I should go,” he says, “I should let you have your space...”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, you live here,” Sheldon says, in unison with Penny saying, “Space for  _what_ , exactly?”  
  
“Penny, you kind of have Sheldon’s face attached to your neck, in case you hadn’t noticed.”  
  
Sheldon reaches out and finds Raj’s hand, grasping it tightly. “Raj, you can’t go anywhere. You live here,” he repeats with a little more emphasis that possibly gets lost in Penny’s hair.  
  
“There’s got to be something in the roommate agreement about leaving the apartment while the other roommate uses it for s-- coitus.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sheldon is getting good at this repetition thing. “That’s what noise-cancelling headphones are for.”  
  
“But I left mine at my place.”  
  
“You can borrow mine.”  
  
“Guys?” says Penny. “Do I get to have a say in all of this?”  
  
Sheldon sits bolt upright and gives her a look as though she’s just suggested that he’s discussing tarring and feathering her. “Forgive me, Penny, but I was under the distinct impression that you enjoyed coitus. Pardon me – intercourse.”  
  
“Yes – but – I--”  
  
“I think she’s trying to say she’s surprised that  _you’re_  thinking about it, Sheldon,” Raj helpfully explains.  
  
“Bingo,” Penny says.  
  
“But...” Sheldon’s not used to not getting his way. He doesn’t know how to explain this, though. “Penny, you smell so good.”  
  
Raj drops to one knee in front of her and leans in, inhaling deeply, and Penny giggles and bats at him. “Mmmm. He’s right.”  
  
“You  _guys_!”  
  
“What were you saying about sex not working out for friends?” Raj asks.  
  
“What? Oh. No, I meant the emotional stuff. Sex can  _totally_  work out for friends.” She looks from Raj to Sheldon. “As long as everyone’s on board.”  
  
Sheldon just nuzzles back into Penny’s hair, breathing deeply, and his lips find a spot behind her ear that makes her go quiet except for a sharp gasp. He’s dimly aware that he’s still holding hands with Raj after a fashion but judging from the way the couch moves Raj is more interested in settling in on Penny’s other side than letting go. In fact, he seems to make a point of holding on.  
  
Fascinating.

* * *

 

Raj simultaneously feels like a third wheel and like the pivot on which Sheldon and Penny are balancing. Penny may be the one in the center but there needs to be some sort of middle ground between Sheldon’s inexperience and her greater understanding of whatever it is that’s going on here.  
  
She did say something about everyone being on board, after all, and he takes that as an invitation to mirror Sheldon’s actions on the right side of her neck. She lets out a delightful startled gasp when he does, and Sheldon’s hand tightens on Raj’s in Penny’s lap.  
  
“This is fun,” Sheldon says with a note of wonder in his voice.  
  
“We could have told you that years ago if you weren’t all asexual and stuff,” Raj says into Penny’s neck, her hair tickling his nose.  
  
“The correct term is  _demisexual_ , actually,” Sheldon corrects him. “I require a deep emotional attachment before I--”  
  
Raj can see why he’s gone quiet; it must be hard to talk with Penny’s tongue in one’s mouth. Apparently discussing emotional attachments is either a turn-on for her, or she wants him to shut up.  
  
Penny is not one-sided with her affection. She turns to Raj next, and her mouth tastes of wine and warmth. Her hand cupping his cheek feels impossibly delicate, for all that Amy makes cracks about Penny having man hands.  
  
She lets him go after a sweet minute or five, looks down at their hands entwined in her lap, looks back at their faces, and says, “Now you two.”  
  
“What,” Raj begins, and then Sheldon’s leaning across Penny, apparently quite biddable. Now that he’s started exploring this whole--  
  
\--and then his lips are pressing against Raj’s and Raj stops thinking about it and just kisses him back.  
  
“ _Oh_ ,” Penny breathes, and Sheldon sighs a little, and Raj can’t keep from testing him by licking at Sheldon’s lower lip.  
  
Sheldon tastes like wine as well, but sharper, somehow.  
  
“I think we--”  
  
“Maybe we should--”  
  
“Bedroom,” Penny says decisively, and that seals it. The only problem is that Sheldon won’t let go of Raj’s hand; they end up standing up together and then walking hand in hand down the short hall with Penny leading the way.  
  
“People can’t go in--” Sheldon starts as she stops in front of his bedroom door.  
  
“ _Sheldon_.”  
  
“But--”  
  
“We can’t do this in Leonard’s room, dude. It’s a breach of the Bro Code.”  
  
“Is that like the roommate agreement?”  
  
“Sweetie, it’s way more important than the roommate agreement,” Penny says, opening the door and ushering them inside.

Sheldon’s bedroom is a haven of cleanliness. The bed is made in neat crisp lines; all the comic books are in their covers, and there isn’t so much as a stray sock on the floor.  
  
Raj aims to fix that, starting by kicking off his own shoes. Sheldon sighs somewhat theatrically, but doesn’t actively object. Raj catches Penny’s eye and she sits on the center of the edge of the bed, bouncing a little, to remove her own footwear.  
  
“Sheldon, come here,” she says, and Sheldon lets go of Raj’s hand and goes, settling beside her. His mouth finds the side of her neck again and Raj wonders a little if there’s some sort of pheromone thing going on there. He balances on one foot and then the other, pulling his socks off, and then kneels in front of the two of them to unlace Sheldon’s shoes.  
  
While he’s down there he runs a light fingertip along the sole of Penny’s foot, and she giggles and wriggles. Good to know... some people would’ve kicked him in the face, however inadvertently.  
  
Sheldon seems to be withdrawing a little again, possibly because they have invaded his sacred space, and Raj puts his hands on Sheldon’s thighs and looks up into his face, trying to read his thoughts. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work.  
  
“Are we still doing this?” he asks, directing it at Sheldon.  
  
Sheldon looks at Penny for a second as if asking permission. She nods – with the slightest of eye-rolls – and Sheldon silently urges Raj to join them on the bed by the simple expedient of grabbing Raj’s forearms and pulling.  
  
He discards his jacket before moving to sit on Penny’s other side. It still leaves him and Sheldon in more layers than Penny, whose red paisley patterned top shows a lovely more-than-glimpse of cleavage, but he has the feeling that that will be remedied sooner rather than later.  
  
Sure enough, Penny briskly yanks at the lower hem of his grey vest with one hand and of Sheldon’s Green Lantern t-shirt with the other. “Off,” she orders them, and he and Sheldon share a glance before dutifully removing the specified articles of clothing.  
  
“You two don’t make it easy to touch you,” Penny grumbles, and she takes it upon herself to strip Sheldon’s long-sleeved shirt off him. He immediately crosses his arms over his chest. Raj pre-empts Penny’s next move by unbuttoning his own shirt, tossing it to the floor just to see Sheldon wince as it joins the growing pile of clothing. His undershirt joins it and he belatedly admits to himself that Penny’s right; they both wear their layers of clothing like armor.  
  
The way she’s looking at them now, though, like a kid in a candy store trying to choose what to taste first, that makes it all right.

* * *

 

Penny can’t decide where to start. She’s a big fan of what Sheldon’s been doing to her neck, but she doesn’t want to leave Raj out or seem greedy (even though she feels thoroughly greedy sitting here with both of them).  
  
The first thing to do is probably to loosen Sheldon up again, since he’s sitting there looking like he’s about to throw them both out and then bathe in bleach. She gives Raj a quick soft kiss by way of apology before turning to face Sheldon, tucking her legs up into a kind of half-lotus, and putting her hands on his shoulders. She doesn’t push much to start with, just runs her fingers over his skin and traces the shape of his shoulders and upper arms and then forearms with her palms. Gradually he relaxes into her touch, uncrossing his arms and then putting his hands irresolutely into his lap. He’s not trying to hide anything but the motion does draw her attention to the bulge in the front of his pants, and she suddenly remembers very clearly seeing him in his underwear on the day that she moved in.  
  
Raj shifts behind her and then he’s pressed up close against her back, his breath on her neck (he pushes her hair aside deliberately because he’s figured out her neck Thing, she’s sure of it), his right leg stretching out on the bed, fitting against hers, his left foot hitting the floor for balance. His arms go around her waist and he chains kisses and licks up and down her neck. Penny’s hands falter on Sheldon’s arms and Sheldon, incredibly, laughs.  
  
“What’s funny?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
She brings him crashing back to seriousness with a light pinch to one of his nipples. He gasps and looks at her accusingly. She does it again and his cheeks go pink, and both his nipples draw up into tight little buds. She strums them with her fingertips and both Sheldon and Raj make interesting noises.  
  
“You like to watch, Raj?”  
  
“I’ll take what I can get.”  
  
Hearing that, she puts her right hand on Raj’s leg and squeezes, left hand still stroking Sheldon’s chest. The flush is extending down his neck and it’s not embarrassment any more.  
  
It’s already hard to give them both their fair share of attention and it only becomes more so when Raj’s hands ease their way up under her top and cup her breasts through her bra. She leans back against him for just a second to enjoy it and Sheldon dives in to lick the notch at the base of her throat where her collarbones meet. How on earth two of the least experienced men she knows – on earth, probably, for that matter – are figuring out her weak points (which, to be honest, is most of her body right now) so fast, she doesn’t know.  
  
It probably has something to do with being smart. They’re fast learners. Whatever. Raj’s thumbs have found the hard peaks of her nipples through the red lace of her bra and the way they rub the rough material against her skin is sending sparks through her.  
  
Sheldon grasps the hem of her top. “Off,” he says, mimicking her earlier order, and Penny grins at him and lifts her arms.  
  
Both the guys go silent when she’s sitting there in just her bra and jeans. Sheldon reaches out a tentative hand to trace the line where lace meets skin, and Raj takes his hand and holds it over Penny’s left breast.  
  
“Feel her heartbeat?” he asks.  
  
Sheldon nods. Penny’s sure he couldn’t miss it, the way it’s racing.

Raj leaves Sheldon’s hand there. He’s still toying with her other nipple and after a second Sheldon starts matching his movements. Raj finds the clasp of her bra and does something and suddenly it’s loose, the straps slithering down her arms.  
  
“Raj...!” She twists her neck around to look at him and he’s  _smirking_.  
  
“It’s a hook and eye, Penny. They’re not  _that_  difficult.”  
  
“Hooks and eyes have been around since--”  
  
Raj rather spectacularly shuts Sheldon up by pulling Penny’s bra down out of the way and then reeling Sheldon in with a hand to the back of the head, intentions clear to everyone bar Sheldon, who blinks a little at Penny’s bared breasts until Raj puts a hand under one of them and lifts it so the nipple brushes against Sheldon’s lips.  
  
Once he gets the idea, he  _really_  gets the idea. His mouth is strong and warm, pulling at her nipple with long slow sucks, and she feels like her brain’s going to melt clean out of her head. Raj’s hands are everywhere: on her other breast, dancing across her stomach, and finally one of them drops to her lap and she feels his fingers pressing tight against her center through her jeans and jerks her hips helplessly.  
  
“You--how--” Words aren’t her strong suit at the moment.  
  
“I’ve thought about this a lot. Admittedly Sheldon wasn’t involved.”  
  
“We’re using his bed, sweetie, I think he has to be involved.”  
  
“I can live with that,” Raj says, and by way of proving it he leans forward over Penny’s shoulder, getting Sheldon’s attention by kissing his forehead. Sheldon lifts his head and the two share a long, slow kiss that Penny watches in fascination. She’d never thought two guys together could be sexy, much less these two – sorry, guys – but it undeniably  _is_. Sheldon’s closed eyelids flutter just a little when Raj does something with his tongue that draws a moan from the back of Sheldon’s throat.  
  
It makes her wonder what else Raj is good at doing with his tongue, and right now she doesn’t particularly care whether he uses it on her or on Sheldon.  
  
Dimly her mind reminds her of something important, something they need to remember before this goes any further, and she wriggles out from between them. They give her identical looks of worried disappointment and she can’t hold back a laugh.  
  
“I’ll be back in a second,” she promises, and darts out, bound for Leonard’s room and the top drawer of his nightstand.

* * *

 

Sheldon feels a little unbalanced by Penny’s abrupt departure, but the feeling fades as Raj first looks at him as though he wants to devour him, and then closes the gap between them, gently but inexorably pushing Sheldon back against the neatly regimented pillows. He kisses Sheldon once on the mouth and then starts working his way down onto Sheldon’s chest.  
  
“Rajesh, what are you doing?” He can hear his own voice coming out huskily, a little broken.  
  
“You saw the way she looked at us... I’m planning a surprise for her when she gets back.” He mouths Sheldon’s nipple and Sheldon feels his stomach backflip pleasantly.  
  
Raj’s hands deftly take care of his belt buckle, slipping the leather free of the metal, and Sheldon lifts his hips to let Raj pull his pants and underwear off in one fumbling motion.  
  
He’s not sure he’s comfortable with the way that Raj is staring at him, but then Raj’s hands settle on his thighs and push them apart a little and all Sheldon can do is go with it. His head is spinning from the alcohol and from the feelings that Penny and Raj have induced in him.  
  
Raj moves down the bed a little, settling onto his front between Sheldon’s thighs, and licks a hot stripe up the underside of Sheldon’s cock at exactly the moment Penny walks back in. She has something in her hand but Sheldon can’t tell what it is because Raj’s tongue has set fireworks off in his head.  
  
“You two... I might have known I couldn’t leave you alone.”  
  
“Mmmm,” says Raj with his mouth full, and Sheldon almost comes undone entirely.  
  
Penny tosses whatever she brought in onto Sheldon’s nightstand and unbuttons her jeans, pushing them down to reveal a red lace g-string that matches her bra, wherever her bra’s gone. She hooks her thumbs into the side of that and then that’s gone too.  
  
Sheldon is pretty gone himself, but not so much that he can’t appreciate it when Penny lies down beside him and urges him with a light touch to turn his head so that she can kiss him.  
  
The flood of new sensations is beginning to overwhelm him. Raj may or may not be an expert at what he’s doing but from Sheldon’s current perspective it doesn’t really matter. Penny’s tongue slides against his just as Raj’s slides against his cock and he knows there’s no way, logically, that they can be coordinating their movements, but it certainly feels like it.

“He’s getting there fast, Raj,” Penny says, pulling away from the kiss and scrutinizing Sheldon’s face in a way that would make him feel uncomfortable if his head weren’t buzzing with wine and the way that Raj’s mouth is pulling him inexorably toward orgasm. “His eyes have gone all dark. Like black holes.”  
  
“So they have.” Raj obviously has to stop sucking to say so, and Sheldon takes a few seconds to work out that the source of the protesting whine is himself. “What do you want to see now, Penny? You want me to make him come like this? It won’t take long.”  
  
“No,” Penny says, and this time Sheldon knows immediately that he’s the one making the disappointed noise. “Sheldon, it’s okay, I’m not going to leave you waiting long. Raj, a moment?”  
  
Sheldon settles back against the pillows, his eyes fluttering closed, and wonders how it is that Penny can forget his burger order between the table and the kitchen, but when it comes to the bedroom she’s all business.   
  
(He thinks better of actually saying so, though.)  
  
Whatever Penny says to Raj makes him giggle. Then Sheldon feels light fingers stroking him, and after the steady hot pressure of Raj’s mouth it’s a feathery, barely there feeling. He thinks it’s Penny touching him now but his eyes refuse to open to either confirm or deny this impression. But then Raj’s fingers join them, one hand at his base, the other at his tip, rolling on the familiar-but-not latex down onto him, and Penny’s fingers move onto his chest for a moment.  
  
“Sit up a little,” she suggests, and Sheldon does, feeling a sense of drifting unreality about the whole situation. Her lips come down on his, soft and hungry, and Sheldon kisses her back with a level of desire he hadn’t realized that he could feel.  
  
Then she’s shifting her weight across his lap, and her back settles against his chest, her hair tickling his nose, and Sheldon has exactly three seconds to open his eyes in surprise before she lowers herself onto him. He slides readily into her waiting heat and Sheldon realizes he’s only just begun to know desire.

* * *

 

This is probably the part where Raj should feel left out or something like that, but it’s not really an issue when he’s got so much to look at. From the way Penny’s neck curves as she tips her head back against Sheldon’s shoulder, to the way Sheldon’s lips tentatively touch down on the side of her throat and then part to suck and lick at her skin, down to the way her thighs are tautly stretched wide as she balances herself astride Sheldon’s lap... no, he’s really not missing out at all.  
  
Raj moves back down the already thoroughly rumpled bed to sit with his knees either side of Sheldon’s. He reaches out to touch Penny with his right hand, reserving his left hand to tend to himself. The curve of Penny’s breast is a delightful weight in his palm, and she rubs against his fingers, giving him a slow smile that widens when she sees what his other hand is up to. Seems like she has a penchant for seeing other people enjoy themselves too.  
  
“Sheldon, you have two hands free, use them.” Raj leans forward – quite deliberately rubbing his cock against Sheldon’s thigh in the process – and lets go of Penny’s breast long enough to snag Sheldon’s hand from where it’s doing nothing on the pillow and bring it up to cover Penny’s breast, his longer fingers doing a better job than Raj’s. That’s all right; he’s got bigger plans.  
  
Sheldon gets the idea and cups Penny’s breasts with both hands, toying with her nipples after a little encouragement in the form of mingled endearments and cursing from Penny. It’s mesmerizing to watch as she finds her preferred rhythm and settles into riding Sheldon in earnest. Her eyes close with pleasure and that’s when Raj makes his move, scooting back a little and then leaning down to take a long, slow taste of her, tongue gliding over the heated flesh just above where she and Sheldon are joined.  
  
“Oh my God,” Penny gasps, hips bucking. Sheldon makes a noise like he’s being Force choked. Raj just smirks to himself and does it again, and then kisses the hard line of her thigh before sliding his tongue against her again. Before too long it’s anyone’s guess whether Penny’s more focused on Sheldon inside her or what Raj is doing with his tongue. Raj occasionally flicks his tongue down over the base of Sheldon’s cock, licking at the tiny bit of bare skin not covered by the condom, somewhat resenting the barrier.  
  
Sheldon doesn’t hold out terribly long. His hands seek out Penny’s hips as he reaches his peak, pulling her down against him. Raj lifts his head to watch Sheldon’s face go from all angular to soft surprised curves as his mouth falls open and he gasps something that is probably Penny’s name. His thighs twitch upward reflexively and Raj almost comes as well just thinking about being buried all the way inside Penny.  
  
Instead, he grinds his palm against his cock, willing himself not to go off just yet, and leans in to suck hard on the slope of Penny’s left breast. Sheldon has his mouth down on her right shoulder and probably has the same intention – leaving a mark for memory.

Penny half moves to lift herself off Sheldon, but Raj stops her with a hand on her thigh. Sheldon’s face is hidden in her gloriously messy golden hair, his fingertips still digging into her hips, and as long as she’s pretty well stuck there, Raj has plans.  
  
He lowers his head again to stroke her lazily with his tongue. Penny gasps and one of her hands finds the back of his head, raking through the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck. Raj would be the first to admit that he’s not very practiced at this but Penny’s so far gone that it doesn’t matter.  
  
The only thing is that he’s at an awkward angle to hit his target every time, and he can’t quite work his hand in there to help out, but then Sheldon comes back to reality and, moreover, figures out what he’s trying to do and moves his hands in from Penny’s hips to spread her labia wide, giving Raj much better access to her clit.  
  
“That’s it,” he says softly, “hold her open for me,” and he hears Sheldon’s low laugh and Penny’s appreciative moan before he dives back in. It’s probably not the most comfortable thing in the world for Sheldon, but unless he slips out, Raj is going to assume he’s okay. Penny’s hand insistent on the back of his head certainly indicates that she thinks everything’s all right.  
  
She is so perfectly wet that it’s killing him to be doing this instead of being inside her, but good things come to those who wait.  
  
Penny’s soon gasping out a string of syllables that are bits of their names and imprecations to a deity none of them believe in. Sheldon’s hands are gentle but merciless, holding her in place, and Raj brings her all the way and then beyond, dragging his tongue in long slow strokes over her that coax a second climax out of her hot on the heels of the first.  
  
He has never ever had an experience this good in the bedroom, and he hasn’t even gotten off yet. His head is spinning with how intimate this is and how strangely right it feels to have segued from dinner and wine to, well, dessert.  
  
“Ow, oh,” Penny says, letting go of his hair to grab her thigh, and Raj and Sheldon both scramble to help her off Sheldon’s lap. Raj works on her frozen muscles with his thumbs, pushing and rubbing, until her leg unlocks; Penny alternates cursing and giggling.  
  
“What’s so funny?” Sheldon asks, reaching for the tissues on the nightstand.  
  
“That was the most fun quads workout ever.” Penny flops back against the pillows and Raj lays a soft kiss on her thigh before stretching out beside her. “You guys...”  
  
Sheldon takes a couple of minutes to deal with disposing of the condom and Raj is on the verge of getting up to help him with it when Sheldon finally figures it all out, cleaning up with enough tissues to make a snowdrift in the bottom of his trash can. Raj really isn’t expecting a whole lot else out of Sheldon after that, but he snuggles (rather awkwardly) against Raj’s side and settles a nervous hand on Raj’s stomach.

* * *

 

Okay, look. Penny’s seen her fair share of guy on guy stuff in her time, from porn online to written stuff to the occasional magazine. Mostly by accident. She’s always thought it was kind of interesting, at least; the guys usually looked like they were having fun, and definitely were in the written stories. And yeah, so maybe if she was reading something without much in the way of physical descriptions, one or more of her boys would come to mind. So what, they’re her main point of reference these days.  
  
None of it compares to watching Sheldon slide his hand down Raj’s stomach, ruffling the fine line of hair, and wrap his fingers around Raj’s cock. She thinks  _oh, bless_  at how unexpectedly confident he is, but then this is maybe not so far off doing it for himself. Which, to be honest, she has more difficulty imagining.  
  
Raj’s eyes fall closed and his face goes soft with pleasure as Sheldon starts moving his hand in long slow strokes.  
  
“How do I make it better for him, Penny?” Sheldon asks, looking at her across Raj, who makes an appreciative noise.  
  
“Pay attention to how he reacts. See what makes him – yeah, like that, he likes that.” Sheldon’s just done something with his thumb over the head of Raj’s cock that makes Raj’s hips come up off the bed. Sheldon does it again and Raj finds Penny’s thigh with his hand and squeezes. “Do it again.”  
  
Sheldon is watching what he’s doing with a good deal of fascination. So is Penny, for that matter, but she still doesn’t expect what happens when a drop of pre-come beads on the tip of Raj’s cock; Sheldon leans down and licks it off without missing a stroke. Raj makes a strangled noise and bucks. Sheldon looks back at Penny and she’d swear he’s got a wicked glint in his eyes.  
  
“What about that, should I do that again?”  
  
“Yes, you should,” Raj gasps before Penny can comment, and then she’s treated to the sight of Sheldon rolling his tongue around Raj’s cock like he’s lapping up stray drops of ice cream. Raj’s hand goes tight on her thigh and he’s back to incoherence.  
  
Her own hand wanders between her legs. She’s still unabashedly wet, and she could honestly go for a second round with one of them. Watching Sheldon is terribly distracting, though. He’s moved on to sucking, his mouth finding a rhythm to match his hand, and Penny wonders how Raj got so noisy all of a sudden before realizing that she’s moaning as well.  
  
Sheldon pulls his mouth off Raj with a final slow suck and Raj makes a definitely disappointed noise, but Sheldon raises an eyebrow at Penny, looks down at her fingers working between her thighs, and Penny takes the opportunity to move herself over Raj and let Sheldon guide him into her.  
  
She can feel how close he is from the tension in his thighs, the way he digs his fingertips into her hips, and decides what the hell, if she needs to she can get herself off again later. She rides down against him hard and fast. Sheldon moves behind her; she feels one hand on her breast and the other delving between her legs and now it really is impossible to tell whose voice is whose out of her and Raj.   
  
Raj moans her name, and Sheldon echoes it, a low, insinuating “Penn- _ny_ ” with his lips against her earlobe, and she’s gone. Just like that.

She honestly only realizes that they forgot protection this time around when she moves back off of Raj and is distinctly wet in a different way altogether. Well. Whoops. But she’s on the Pill and she’s reasonably sure she’s not going to catch anything from him. (And definitely not from Sheldon.)  
  
Penny excuses herself to the bathroom. Pees, cleans up, yawns about a thousand times in the process. She drags herself out to the kitchen and stares into the fridge for like five minutes before remembering that she wants water. She gulps down half of the first bottle right there and dutifully carries two unopened bottles back to Sheldon’s bedroom for her boys.  
  
Except it turns out to be for just one of her boys: Raj is either asleep or passed out with his head on Sheldon’s chest. Sheldon is stroking his hair, with the sweetest tender smile quirking just the corners of his lips.  
  
Penny slides into bed beside them and opens Sheldon’s water. “Here. It’ll help keep you from getting hungover.”  
  
“That’s very thoughtful. Thank you.”  
  
“I think it’s in everyone’s best interests.”  
  
Sheldon drinks half the bottle in slow sips. Raj doesn’t even move. “One question, Penny.”  
  
“Yeah, sweetie?”  
  
“You were talking about your objection to imbalanced emotional dynamics just before this all began, yet you had no trouble assimilating my stated emotional attachment into what I will for want of a better term describe as your sexual paradigm.”  
  
Penny takes a moment to translate this into English. “I figured it meant we were all close enough friends to give this a try.”  
  
Sheldon looks frankly stunned. “How...”  
  
“Moonpie, when it comes to understanding whether someone wants me or not, I’m very good at, um... balancing the equation.”  
  
“Even with a third variable in play?” Sheldon doesn’t need to look down at Raj but does anyway, smiling again.  
  
“Yep.”  
  
Sheldon stretches his arm over to sort of gather her in. Raj makes a discontent murmur in his sleep and Sheldon resumes stroking his hair with the other hand. Penny spoons against Raj’s back, draping her arm over his side, her hand landing on Sheldon’s stomach.  
  
“What happens now?” Sheldon asks.   
  
“Sleep.”  
  
“It’s that easy? There’s no paperwork?”  
  
“Not for this.”  
  
“I will have to amend the roommate agreement.”  
  
“Uh huh. In the morning.”  
  
She expects him to keep talking, but his hand stills on Raj’s head and his breathing slows almost immediately. They’ve worn him out. Penny lies awake for a while longer, sober enough to worry, but then decides there’s no point in fretting. She’s warm and happy and sated and sleepy.  
  
Let the morning take care of itself.


End file.
